i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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