That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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