At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
