Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
