haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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