Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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