did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
