With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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