Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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