why didn't you poke me back
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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