ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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