I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
