I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
