If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
