he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
