I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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