oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
