God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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