sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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