i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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