Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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