last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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