We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
