A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
