I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i out mim tonsoeep
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