I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
