Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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