I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
