He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
