I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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