Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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