this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
