Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
