No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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