so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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