Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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