I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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