Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
