AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
