Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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