I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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