Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
