i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
