When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
