How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
