Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate all girls vehemently.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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