my shit smells like andre
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
