Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
