I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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