fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
