You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
