Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
