Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
