I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
