Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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