i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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