How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
